Why Am I Here?

As a child, I used to ask God why He made me. I couldn't understand why certain bad things happened to me. Now as a grown-up, when my faith backslides, even though I know that God has a purpose for letting things happen in our lives, I question Him again.

"God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. In the fullness of time, God the Father sent his Son as the Redeemer and Savior of mankind, fallen into sin, thus calling all into his Church and, through the work of the Holy Spirit, making them adopted children and heirs of his eternal happiness." From the Catholic viewpoint, God created me, each one of us to be with Him for all eternity.

Because I am feeble, whenever I feel that things are not going the way I want them to go in my life, I ask God to take me, as a way of escape from what I perceive as my unbearable life. This is a distortion of God's beautiful plan of letting me share eternity with Him. There can be no shortcuts, for "He has made everything beautiful in its time"(New International Version).

Again and again, I give up. But God in His goodness and mercy always lifts me up.

Maybe my belief in God is shaky at best. I am not a mature Christian. And by definition by Christians, since I am Catholic, I am not a Christian. But God knows that I am wretched and loves me just the same. He loves me even if I only believe in Him because I am scared of the thought of the world turning on its own volition, of things happening with no one in control, of everything getting jumbled because no one is in charge of Operations. I am still scared - scared of falling with no one there to catch me, just like in the song. But I only have to remember that only with God can I still be like a little child, and my fears would leave me.

"He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end"(New International Version).

If God will allow me the gift of understanding, I will have full knowledge of my reason for being. If not, only in heaven will I fully understand why God created me.

At A Crossroad

I am Catholic by birth and rearing. I now feel that I have to make a decision sooner or later for a faith that I would be willing to die for after living for it. I pray that, though I am at a crossroad, if I make a wrong turn, I can always go back.



I believe that God is faithful even though oftentimes I am not. He will guide me to the right path.